I wrote this in 2007 to someone and I kept it, because I kind of liked what I had to say.

Life is difficult, but amazing. Without seeing the reflection of our own lives how can we evolve to the being that we are supposed to become? The heartache in a good-bye can be consuming. The realization that you should have or could have said good-bye, but did not, can lead to regret and second guessing your own past. But, your past is all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, that becomes a whole you. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. Everything in your life is unfolding exactly how it should. Embrace the encounters you have with everyone, and realize there is a reason that they were there, if only for a minute, a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime, they were a part of you. With every person that passes your way, in some minor or large way, they helped you to build your jigsaw puzzle called YOU..

July 6,2009

Life is odd, and sometimes challenging. My Dad passed away on May 14th, 2009. My Mother, my children and all my siblings were at his side. It was peaceful passing. We miss him very much though. It's strange to watch someone die, and then boom start planning a funeral within hours. But, my Dad was suffering and I think he was ready to go to a better place. He is in many of my dreams, and the first couple weeks after he passed, we all had many strange moments, that just couldn't be coincidence. He let us all know, he is OK.

So, with him passing, life sort of changed. My parents were married for 49 years. They loved each other, it wasn't all blissful, they argued and disagreed a lot! But, no one ever left, no one walked out the door or even threatened to. I had been in a pretty good relationship for 2 years. But, he seemed to want to break up every time we had a fight. Every time we had a discussion, disagreement, etc., he would decide the relationship was too rocky, or that it was too much to deal with. Which was a bummer, because I didn't see it that way. But, the point being, lots of red flags. I had a hard time making the decision, but realized that we were not on the same page. So, I ended it. Oh well.

So, now here we go again. I think that all will be well. My kids are doing wonderfully. My son Nick put me through total and complete hell for a few years. He will be 18 this month and really has seemed to turn the corner. Over the last couple of years he was just such a rebellious brat. I can't even count how many times I had to pick him up from the police station! Honestly, I don't know how I lived through that at all. It was stuff like, being out after curfew (was spending the night at a friends, um...obviously not). Trespassing, hanging out in and friend's house after they moved out. Ugh, you know just a bunch of dumb decisions. But, enough for me to get wrinkles and gray hair.


But, the best part of my life is the darn kids! I love them and feel so blessed to have them.
When my dad passed away, they all wanted to be there. They were just angels and so loving and caring to me and my mom. So, I know there is a human in there somewhere. Even though, teenager attitudes abound, they seem to be heading in the right direction as a kind, interesting, person.

How does this work?

I like the idea of a Blog. I just don't know why anyone would be interested. It's like a journal, right? So, unless I write my deep dark secrets, why is it even a little interesting. I am not a blog reader. I have friends with blogs, and I tell myself I should read them. But, I never do. So, I really am not offended if my blog is not read by anyone but me.

Life really is a Highway. I love the band Rascal Flatts, and really relate to that song. I have lived in 6 states in the USA. I have tried a few careers, but finally found my calling as a Registered Nurse. I'm the oldest of 4 kids.

My dream in life was to be married to the love of my life, have kids, go on family vacations, and live happily ever after. I did get married, but he really wasn't the love of my life. Honestly, I haven't had one. So, that was probably the fairy tale that I expected, and it never happened. I did get the kids though, and 15 years of marriage. We stuck together through a lot. But, we grew apart. I told him over and over what I needed in the relationship, and he refused to listen. He was a good guy, he just didn't know how to make a woman feel cherished. I need to feel cherished. Who doesn't? After a couple of failed relationships, that totally sucked! I found a nice guy. Unfortunately, he is slow to move forward and I am ready to have a partner. He tends to make plans without me. He went to his father's house for a week without me and only with his daughter. And now he is going to travel to Oregon without me. I am really thinking he is not one that wants to consider a future. And honestly, I am lonely. I want to sleep next to a husband. Hey, at 45 years old, what kind of time do we have? Life is a highway, and now I am on the road that may or may not get me where I want to be. Prayers are good. I will keep at them and see if the answer shows up.

Kathy